I recently turned the corner, age-wise.  I am in this exciting age which many say could either give you a feeling of liberation (where all your inhibitions fly out the door, and you find yourself having the gall to do silly things-- like post a video of yourself dancing and grinding your hips 80’s style on Facebook!) or drive you to depression and feelings of antiquity, leaving you with a clear image of yourself right alongside a dinosaur. 

For some reason, none of these apply to me.  It seems my mind just refuses to get in line with my age. It refuses to give up the youth that still clings comfortably in my being.  Some say I could be frustratingly child-like (which is not necessarily bad, if you ask me), or immature as hell.  (Oh, really?!)

Physically, I can’t say I’m doing too badly, thanks to good genes. Turkey neck? Wrinkles and saggy skin?  Not yet. Gray hair? Maybe a hair or two, but nothing that a pluck here and a pluck there won’t fix.  (There’s nothing like a dollar a strand to get an extra set of hands working on my scalp.) This head of hair has never seen a shade of color I wasn’t born with. Liver spots?  What in this hideous world is that?

So what do I have to show for all the years I’ve been blessed with? What, indeed. That, my friends, is the tricky question, and let us see if I can glean an answer as I write this.

With the end of another year in sight and the looming Mayan prediction for 2012 (huh!), I can’t help getting more and more reflective. Nope, not the kind that flashes back at you, but the kind that makes you think, deep, as you try to figure out life in all its meaning. 

Flashback eons of years ago. I was a senior in this Catholic girls high and we were on a spiritual retreat, a prep for ‘flying the coop’ and being let out into the ‘real world’. (Yeah, they used to make a big deal of the ‘world outside the school walls’—but that was before the internet.) The priest (at least I remember the person as a priest) had asked the girls to go find a quiet spot in the school’s campus, sit there and reflect on their life (all 16 years of it, mind you) and what they wanted out of their future.  I found this little place facing beautiful Mayon Volcano.  The sky was a bright blue and everything was quiet and peaceful as can be.  I never felt so attuned with nature and with myself as I did that moment.  Looking back, I think the little time I spent there actually made a difference, and steered me towards being more than I have ever been up to that point.  I wrote down what I didn’t do but wanted to over the past four years of high school and took note of what I hoped to accomplish when I stepped into the whole new world of college.  I liked to write, but was too shy to join the high school paper.  I said, I would do just that- join the school paper and get my pen going.  Shyness be damned. And I did.  Eventually, I became the editor-in-chief and run the paper from production to distribution, managing my team of writers like I have never even thought I could.  The shy girl of 16 blossomed in college—the girl who wasn’t much of a talker found herself in front of whole classrooms of kids, yakking away and espousing the joy of writing and self-discovery.

As I step into a whole new age bracket, I find it’s time for reflection once more.  What are we if not thinking creatures, after all.  I find it is good to take stock of things and be grateful for what you have.  It is right and it is good to say thanks.  At the same time, it is necessary to reflect and re-focus on things that did not work, the things that need improvement, the things that need re-strengthening, the things that suck.  After all, no one is perfect, and I am as imperfect as the person next to me.   

As I think of all that I and my family have been blessed with, I cannot help thinking of the more-personal gifts that God has given me.  The gift of compassion and sensitivity that I feel I have, the gift of expression, which I try to share with you whenever I can through postings here and there, the capacity to love, which all of us necessarily have, if we are to consider ourselves human, and the gift of just being here, and being who I am.  I am grateful for being a part of God’s creation, of being part of the larger picture. As I age, I feel more and more convinced that there is really no ‘me’ in this world—just us.  If we are here, it is because we were sent for a reason, and that reason goes far beyond our own individual worth.

As Christmas draws near and as the year 2011 come to a close, I feel that I will go into 2012 with a slightly better understanding of myself and my role in the here and now.  And my wish for all of you this Christmas and into the New Year is the same: that you find the inspiration to reflect and give thanks, and to find the meaning of your own lives.  I wish for you that you would embrace the ‘us’ in your own life paths, by using the gifts you’ve been given to uplift others along the way.

As for my age, oh well.  You can’t stop time.  I’ll just have to keep on slathering my creams and lotions and keep on trudging the treadmill. As they say, age is just a number—in your head.  So we’ll keep it right there.  And since I haven’t gotten the AARP membership kit in the mail yet, I guess I can keep thinking I’m still in my 30s… or maybe even slightly less!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Everyone!!